If you are looking for couples therapy, you are most likely in a lot of pain. By the time a marriages reaches for help, spouses have already suffered tremendously. Bitterness and resentment have built up and we feel slighted.
Even though we are upset and blame our spouse for the state of the marriage, we want a better marriage, we want love and support, and we want to connect with them.
Unfortunately, many of the theories used to practice couples therapy are less effective. The focus remains on communication skills and does not reach the deeper needs of the marriage. Focusing only on communication skills is like putting a bandaid on an infected wound; the real issues causing the problem are ignored and fester over time.
I use a more effective theory that reaches the underlying needs of each spouse. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) has reported the highest success rate of any couples therapy theory (see Why Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work at Huffingtonpost.com), up to 75% success. That means that 3 out of 4 couples who are in marital distress are able to relieve their distress. EFT focuses on the underlying attachment needs that help us connect with our spouse.
Many people in the past have come to me believing their marriage is already over. Marriage therapy was a last ditch effort to say they have done everything they could before divorcing. When their marriages have improved, they have told me how surprised they were and how they were not sure what to do next, success wasn’t in the plans. But they were happy that what they had worked on so many times before was finally improving.
I hope that you take the risk to work on your marriage and give it another chance. I would be excited to do the best I can to help bring about a better relationship.
